The Guilt of Giving Up

Confession: I have around 4 novels on the back burner. And it kills me. 

Currently, I am attempting to finish Acolyte, my novel I’ve been working on for almost 7 months. I planned to have it finished by May, and that clearly didn’t happen. When summer rolled around and I started my internship, the writing I did at work became I priority.

I need this internship to graduate, the book can wait.

In this time, I became flooded with new ideas. A potential trilogy, a new love story, occasional poetry, a rekindling for a old segment, and possibly a few short stories. Everything BUT the book I meant to finish.

So I slid Acolyte onto the back burner.

I persued other stories and came across road bumps. Either the plot didn’t make sense, the characters were bland, the choice between tenses was difficult, but the main reason being I have so many ideas and I don’t know where to start.

Eventually I turned back to Acolyte, this time with a lot less passion. My new ideas fresh and maleable seemed so much more exciting to me. A new book to swoon over, a first time trilogy to capture: these ideas made me excited to write contrary to working on Acolyte which felt more like a chore. Don’t get me wrong, I love Acolyte, I’ve put a lot of time and devotion into it, but the passion and fire that used to pulse from this book has died.

Regardless of my lackluster passion, I still plan on completing the book. I’m not concerned if I work on it in the future, if it has the potential to get published, or if I’ll end up loving the story again. At this point, I owe it to myself and to my novel to finish my work and put it to rest. While some writers say to abandon the project if it doesn’t sit well with the writer, but I cannot simply shove this book away. I can’t put Acolyte in a drawer when I spent most of my sophmore year nursing it to life and holding it dearly.

I hope to have this book done by the end of the summer.


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